Change the language and stories first
I don’t quite know how to counter it either, but calling it bigotry, politics or untrue doesn’t do anything to revert support for the amendment to ban same-sex marriage.
Yesterday, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn. said: “Marriage between one man and one woman does a better job protecting children better than any other institution humankind has devised.” He continued: “As such, marriage as an institution should be protected, not redefined.”
It is bigotry, it is politics and the facts are simply untrue, but the truth does not set free. If it did, everyone would have been up in arms about Frist’s words. The truth is that “a growing body of scientific literature demonstrates that children who grow up with 1 or 2 gay and/or lesbian parents fare as well in emotional, cognitive, social, and sexual functioning as do children whose parents are heterosexual.”
Again and unfortunately, the truth does not set free. Supporters of the amendment have one great advantage: the truth does not fit the thinking frame of their constituents; and if it doesn’t fit the frame it will not be considered. We’ve seen it before: global warming, although scientifically proven, is nonsense; evolution, although scientifically proven, is a myth. It’s all the same.
The supporters simply have the better story, the tradition, and the language. Calling them bigots doesn’t do much to revert support, because who believes those liberal snobs anyway. Calling names only bounces back onto you. They are simply conservatives, they want the good old happy days, the simpler times; they want tradition.
It is no use trying to convince them those simpler times weren’t all that easy either; if they believe they were happier, well, then those days were happier indeed, period! Don’t we believe in that too?
Maybe we can start by changing the language. No more activist judges or ancient institutions; let’s throw in some love and commitment. A little later, we can come up with some stories. No more stereotypical portrayals and characters in television shows such as Queer Eye for the Straight Guy; let’s tell real stories of same-sex couples, families and, once more, love and commitment. As real as All Aboard! Rosie’s Family Cruise. Its synopsis is telling it all: “What is a family? Is it something defined by law, by tradition, or by love?”
Change doesn’t come easy, so don’t bother the unwilling with name calling and don’t just throw simple facts at them. Use the right language, tell the right stories. Reframe the debate. At the risk of sounding like a tree-hugging hippie: tell them about love, don’t start a war.
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